Monday, April 8, 2013


Whew. What a week!

Since I wrote last, we found out that my oldest had a double ear infection...then a ruptured ear drum. My youngest is getting her two year molars and is in obvious pain. And my husband (and some awesome helpers) built a really cool swing-set from the ground up.

And today I had several cavities filled. Just for added fun.

But spring has finally sprung here! We've grilled out twice already, built a swing-set, been able to go to the park, and we planted the potatoes in the garden.

It has been a busy few days.

Tonight, though, my heart is hurting for a local family who suffered unimaginable violence. I don't know them at all, but it doesn't matter. Their story has been all over the news and all over facebook. Yet I know from experience, most of these types of things go without notice. The majority of the population walks around everyday unaware of the horrors that are happening to children in their community. But those who work for children's service agencies don't. They know it all too well. They live it every single day, no escape. They have to read about it, hear about it, see it first-hand, and testify about it in court. They watch abuse and neglect tear apart families, and drugs cause people to do things you couldn't force your mind to imagine.

I still remember my first day at children's services. Fresh out of college, no kids of my own. I had been a CASA before, so I had a good idea of what I was getting into. But really, nothing could've prepared me for that life.

I started as a temp, so I was just doing busy work to help out the over-worked and exhausted caseworkers. My first assignment seemed simple...pull a kid's file, copy it and send it to his psychologist before his first appointment.

But to do that, I had to read it to make sure I pulled the needed information. I sat in the file room, embarrassed and broken, trying to hide my tears reading that child's file. I truly couldn't believe the disgusting, life-altering things on those pages. How could a child ever come back from that? What must he be like now? Is he permanently emotionally scarred? Will he ever be happy again?

Does he have anyone who loves him?

Has he ever known unconditional love?

A few days later, several of those questions were answered when I drove him to his appointment. Not by his words. There were none of those. As much as I tried to engage him, he literally said nothing. When I looked into his eyes, all I saw was emptiness. A shell of a boy. It hurt my heart so deeply that I've never forgotten it.

I wish I could rescue them all. Still, to this day, I can't forget the things I saw in my time as a caseworker. And I can't forget that there are countless caseworkers all over this country. Many of them working right now, as we're tucking our children in and preparing to go to bed. I couldn't adequately describe all the things they see and do in a day. But know this: It is dangerous work. Not for the faint of heart, it is physically and emotionally draining, with low pay and seemingly never-ending hours...

They see pure evil in one of its most horrific forms. And even when they're not working, it never really leaves them. They carry an enormous weight.

As hard as the job was for me and as much as I LOVE being here with my beautiful babies everyday, there is a part of me that misses it. Maybe someday when my kids are grown I'll go back. For now, though, I'm looking forward to the day when we as a family open our home...

God put adoption on our hearts long ago, and the time is creeping closer. It's not here yet, but we're getting there. And I so look forward to growing our family in that way.

But for now, I plan to fully enjoy the two blessings God has given me. I will hold them tighter tomorrow. And I will be praying for God's peace to overwhelm that local family in this most tragic of times.

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